Relapse

It’s like no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you push, nothing ever gets better.

At least that’s what I think, I’ve been struggling with my health more and more. Call it Stress, call it Anxiety, call it what you want. I know that it’s just things I have to go through.

They always say there’s a silver lining to everything but you ever feel so low that you can’t even imagine that? I have told you about my journey into knowing that God heals and restores. That is all still true, but what happens when it comes back? When you’re so far out of it? What happens then?

I’ll tell you what.

There’s a song that I love to listen to. It’s in Spanish but it says Praise him, in the trials praise him, if you’re crying Praise him, it doesn’t matter Praise him.

I’ve always been a private person about my health. Especially since lots of people like to talk about the weight gain and the symptoms I have. But no one knows how I cry to God and ask him why. Why me? Why WHy WHy WHY? But then I look to myself and remember he doesn’t give you anything that you can’t handle.

I can handle it, I’ve done it before. Living with asthma comes with so many complications. Complications of not knowing whether or not you’ll be able to breathe while you sleep and if you’ll wake up the next morning. When you walk for long periods of time and can’t catch your breath. Or when you choke on your saliva thinking you don’t have enough oxygen in order to continue breathing. The simple things! Thinking about it now, it’s the reason why I don’t take risks. The reason why I always play it safe and never move out of my comfort zone.

You’re probably thinking “She talks so much” LOL. I haven’t had a lot to say in months since my relapse. I haven’t felt worthy of writing to you as a “healthy person” But I think thats the point right? Who wants to hear about the healthy girl but rather the girl with complications and trials and tribulations but no matter what she never gave up.

So here I am……….. Stephanie a Girl with Asthma, Alive and not Defeated.

Who are You? Defeated? or a Fighter?